Sniffed out by a 7 year old

The school year started this week and I decided not to mention my pregnancy until someone brought it up.

That day was today!

This tiny, cabbage patch-esqe little darling with a very cute lisp came up and addressed the subject very discreetly. She quietly asked me, "Are you going to have a baby?" I asked her why she thought so and she told me my belly looks like it has a baby inside! When I told her I was she was SO excited! She responded, "So you're pregnant?!" and was smiling from ear to ear.

She proceeded to ask me 100 questions, like most 7 year olds do, including when the baby will be here, whether it's a girl or a boy and if she can help name him! It was too stinking cute.

Oh, and apparently I rub my belly while I walk around because she pointed that out, too!

Smart little whipper snapper!

Baby E is a....

BOY!
I guess my intuition was right after all! Yesterday I had an appointment to check my cervical length, so of course I asked the ultrasound tech to take a peek at the baby as well. I got to watch him spinning around and waving his arms. When I asked her to take a look at the "goods" she turned the screen away from me. Since my husband couldn't be there the tech snapped some photos and sealed them in an envelope for us to open together at home. That envelope was so hard to resist for 2 hours!

When we were together we opened the envelope which revealed two detailed "money" shots labeled MALE! We both were thrilled beyond belief! I felt like it was confirmation to what I felt all along and was so excited to know there's a little dude growing inside me. He looks great and is measuring perfectly.

Here is our son at 16 weeks 1 day:

Now, what to name our little dude?!

Angle of the Dangle...

After inspecting one of our ultrasound pictures from yesterday, I am now convinced that our little one is a girl! I had been predicting boy all along, but now with this picture, my mind has changed.
The "angle of the dangle" deals with the protruding genitalia that are evident in both boy and girl babies at this stage. The protrusions look almost identical, except that a girls points in the same direction as the spine, like a parallel, and a boy's points on an upward angle.
Take a look for yourself in this picture... What I see is the dangle in line with the spine, so maybe this babe is a girl after all! On the other hand, it could be something else and not the genitalia...
We'll find out on August 29th, until then, it's anyone's guess!

12 week ultrasound

Yesterday we had our third ultrasound for the NT scan. The baby was resting, but we got to see him/her wave a hand at us! The heart rate was 156 and everything looked great. They also checked my cervix, which is looking perfect so far.
Here are the pictures from the scan:

I go back on August 16th for another cervix check via ultrasound and then again on August 29th for the anatomy scan! There's a lot of excitement coming up in the next month.

Orange juice= Acrobat baby!

This morning after a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice I decided to listen to the babe's heart beat on the doppler.

The little nudger would let me hear the heart beat for about 10 seconds before making me chase him/her around hearing bumps, bubbles and splashing sounds before getting the heart beat again for another few seconds. I couldn't help but giggle the whole time! 

I can imagine the baby in my ute flipping around and playing hide and seek with mama. I recorded the entire session and sent it to my husband since he wasn't home to hear it.

Tomorrow can't come soon enough, so we can see our babe again at the NT scan! It's been four long weeks since we've gotten a glimpse at our precious little one and I'm sure the changes are incredible.

The Sweetest Sound On Earth

Today the Fetal Heart Doppler came in the mail! (One of the two I ordered because I started to panic that the first one wasn't going to come... Stupid crazy hormones!)

It took just a couple of minutes to locate the little nudger, but I knew I had found the babe as soon as that sound came from the speaker. I just sat listening with a huge smile on my face while Max watched suspiciously tilting his head from side to side. The average rate was between 120-136 beats per minute. It's hard to get a good reading because baby moves around a lot right now.

My husband and I have never heard the baby's heart until today, so we were both amazed at how sweet the sound is! It also put our minds at ease a little bit since it's been a few weeks since we last saw the baby and the heartbeat.

Old Wives Tales

There are countless Old Wives Tales to predict the sex of a baby, so I decided to try one.

The ring test involves tying a ring to the end of a string and hanging it over a pregnant woman's belly or wrist. If the ring moves back and forth like a pendulum it predicts a boy, and if it moves in a circular motion it predicts a girl.

First I tried it over my belly. Result= Pendulum/boy
Next I tried it over my wrist. Result= Pendulum/boy
Then I tried it on Max (just for kicks). Result= Circular/girl
My hubby even let me try it on him! Result= Circular/girl

Just for good measure, I had my husband hold the string and do it over my belly again. Result= Pendulum/boy!

I don't put very much faith in this OWT, but it goes along with my original inkling that this bambino may be a boy. The Chinese Gender Chart on The Bump also has me slated to have a boy.
We'll likely find out the end of August/beginning of September! I can't wait! :)

Ode to Pregnancy Symptoms

I love my 13 year old pimple face, because it means my baby is growing inside me.
I love my bloated belly, because it means my baby is growing inside me.
I love the weird fluids and smells that escape my body, because it means my baby is growing inside me.*
I love my fatigue, because it means my baby is growing inside me.
I love the constant trips to the bathroom, because it means my baby is growing inside me.
I love the sleepless nights, because it means my baby is growing inside me.
I love my psycho girl mood swings, because it means my baby is growing inside me.*
I love my incessant headaches, because it means my baby is growing inside me.
I love everything my body is doing to grow my baby inside me.

*I cannot guarantee that my husband agrees with these particular statements. :)

Woah, baby!

This is Baby E at 8 weeks 2 days! Everything is measuring right on track, including baby's heartbeat which was 167 today. We were blown away at how different s/he looks compared to only 2 weeks ago! The next ultrasound won't be for at least 3 weeks, so we can't wait to see the changes that take place during that time. I go back to the OB for a regular appointment on June 30th, when we'll schedule the NT scan. During that scan they measure the size of baby's neck, and test my blood for the possibility of Down's Syndrome and Trisomy 13/18. I'm mostly looking forward to seeing the baby again, who will be perfect no matter what!

Introducing Baby E!

Today we got to see our baby for the first time! The little shrimp was snuggled in close to the wall of my ute, so it's not a great photo, but still amazing to see that there really is a little one growing inside me! We also got to see the flickering of the baby's heartbeat, which was AMAZING! This was the last visit with the RE, and I'll see my regular OB from now on. My next ultrasound is scheduled for June 22nd when I'll be a little over 8 weeks. I can't wait to see my babe again.

Here is Baby E making his/her debut at 6 weeks 2 days:

Bloody symptoms!

Today I had the pleasure of experiencing a less talked about pregnancy symptom... A severe bloody nose! It started out of nowhere and literally ran like a faucet. Beautiful.

As much as I disliked it, I kept reminding myself that all symptoms are a wonderful reminder that  I am growing a baby in my ute! Keep 'em coming!

Here are my symptoms so far: (6 weeks tomorrow)

• BLOAT
• Thirst
• Frequent urination
• Hunger
• Insomnia
• Nose bleed
• Fuller looking veins
• Sore/Tender nipples
• Acne

Beta #2

48 hours later my beta levels went up to 376.5! That is a great doubling time of 35.68 hours. I am so relieved!

However, I still have some very light, infrequent spotting which has me worried. The doctor suggested I stay off of my feet as much as possible and not lift anything heavy. I'm going to miss my grandma's 80th surprise party this weekend, which I'm very upset about... But I have to do everything possible to make sure our baby is safe.

Our first ultrasound is on June 9th, when I will be 6 1/2 weeks, so we will see the yolk sac and maybe the flicker of a heartbeat!

Beta #1

Today I had my first blood test, and my beta number was 148, which is good! I go back on Thursday to see if my beta has increased, and hopefully doubled.

My biggest symptoms today at a little over 4 weeks are FREQUENT urination, bloated belly, increased appetite, and fatigue! I am so sleepy all day long. Thank goodness the school year is over in a couple of weeks!

I have no nausea and my breasts are not sore anymore, and the lack of constant discomfort is making me wish I had some so I can "feel" pregnant! (I may soon eat my words).

I will update Thursday with my latest beta numbers.. PLEASE double!!!

Today I am pregnant!

At 12dpo I tested to a negative. I resolved that I'd probably begin my period in the next day or so after but when it didn't come, I became suspicious. Today at 14dpo I saw two lines and the word "pregnant" appear on tests! It was the most incredible feeling in the world. It's still a bit surreal, but my husband and I couldn't be happier! Tomorrow I will have my first Betas drawn, and then they'll be repeated on Thursday to make sure they're doubling.

I am so thankful that today I am pregnant! I hope to grow this baby until my due date in January!

Best. Day. Ever.

2WW

I'm officially in the two week wait! This is an exciting but nerve wracking time. I am being super careful about not drinking caffeine during this time incase it interferes with implantation/uterine contractions (assuming that sperm met egg). We had good timing, so I'm trying to be hopeful without getting my hopes up. The only physical differences I feel are REALLY tender lady bits, and a little cramping today (4 or 5 days post ovulation.)

I go in for progesterone blood work on Monday to see how "strong" my ovulation was. I hope it is better than last time, when my levels were not ideal.

I'll pee on a stick on May 21st if aunt flo doesn't show up by then.

Grow Follie, Grow!

Lefty grew a follie! On Monday (cycle day 13) I had an ultrasound to monitor progress after cycle days 3-7 on Femara. The RE saw a "tiny" follicle and told me to come back on Thursday (cycle day 16) to see if it would grow. Well, today I had the second ultrasound and it grew to 14mm. It needs to be over 20mm to be released, and the doctor thinks I'll probably ovulate on Sunday... Mother's day! How poetic.

The doctor took a cervical mucus sample so I was able to watch my husband's sperm swim around as the microscope projected it onto the TV screen. It was by far the coolest thing I've ever seen. They were very active, or as my doctor called them, "happy sperm."

I feel excited that the medication is working (slowly but surely) and that my left ovary was up for the challenge! I'm going to stay hopeful that this is our cycle.

Ding Ding.. Round 2

I visited the RE on Thursday for an Ultrasound since my period arrived. While I ovulated with Clomid, my post-ovulation blood work showed my hormone levels were less than ideal. Instead of doing another round of Clomid, he prescribed Femara to hopefully produce stronger, better eggs.

::Fingers crossed for a left-side egg!::

Progress

Today I had an ultrasound at the RE to check on my ovaries.

The good news: I have a nice, big follicle, which means the Clomid worked!
The bad news: It's on the side without a fallopian tube.. No chance of a pregnancy this month.

I'm glad the Clomid is doing it's job, so hopefully next cycle I can grow an egg on my working side!

I will go back to the RE on April 18th to get a progesterone blood test to confirm that I did ovulate, and then an ultrasound to check if I have both kidneys. It's not related to fertility, but as my doc said, it's good to know if I have a backup incase I ever decide to donate one! Some people with a Uni Ute do not have both kidneys, either.

Now I would love my cycle to hurry up and end so I can start over!

THE Question

It is inevitable that people will continually ask when a couple plans on having children during their 'fertile' years, but this was the first time THE question was asked since we found out about my ute.

While celebrating a friend's birthday Monday night the question came up and it felt like a brick hit me in the face. Luckily my husband fielded the question and swiftly changed the subject while I sat there silent and breathless. He knew I was feeling uncomfortable and sad, and he gave my hand a good squeeze to let me know it would be ok.

When we returned home we had a short chat about THE question and how it had made us feel. I told him that I had felt sad, but his response uplifted me: We still have lots of options. There's no reason to be sad yet. 


He's right. This is not hopeless. This is not impossible. This does not have to be sad.

I saw a preview for the movie Soul Surfer.. In it, the young girl who plays Bethany Hamilton says, "I'm not asking for easy, I'm asking for possible."

Me too.

Smile, though your heart is aching...

I've been in a definite funk since Wednesday, the day I found out about my halfsie. My mind keeps wandering to that little bugger, and it makes me sad. Seeing babies is making that tiny ute throb with longing, and I know jealousy is a horrible color on me. I am trying hard not to be sad and stay positive.

Here's my positive thought for the day:

I took my last Clomid pill today. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. But it's done. I'm looking forward to seeing my RE on Friday to take a look in my ovaries. Fingers crossed that there are some nicely sized follicles on the business side!

Laughter is the best medicine.

Today the staff threw a surprise retirement party for my dear friend. She was completely shocked and surprised. We all cried happy tears when she walked in and saw her daughter (who flew in from Chicago). The evening continued with more laughs than I could possibly count... My cheeks are still sore from smiling. I was snorting like mad, and everyone had a wonderful time. And for two hours I never once thought about my halfsie uterus.

Now only if clomid was such a great medicine.. I hope it does its job, because I'm encountering most of the special side effects already.

If I need a quick shot of laughter in the future I'll be able to think back to this party and recall at least a dozen reasons to forget for a while and giggle.

My New Mantra (Thanks, Sis)

This sucks. This really sucks, BUT I am taking control of the situation and it is NOT an impossible one. I have so much love to give and will meet and have a baby someday, some way.

I'm so lucky to have such a supportive and understanding sister.

My husband and I are going to spend our time living in the NOW, doing what we can do NOW and not worrying about what might happen, or not happen, later. At this moment we are doing all that we can, and that's enough. For now.

Yesterday my world was torn in half..

Yesterday I met with my RE to have an ultrasound and HSG to make sure all was clear before starting my first cycle of Clomid to induce ovulation. My estrogen levels are low, and I had not been ovulating on my own, so my doctor was sure either Clomid or injections would do the trick and get me pregnant in no time. After worrying about what was wrong with me for months I finally felt excited and hopeful that there would be a pregnancy (and then baby) in my near future.

The ultrasound showed that everything looked good after my first period in 98 days, and I left, prescription in hand, to meet the doctor at the x-ray office for the HSG. The short drive from one office to another went by even more quickly because I was already calculating estimated due dates and wondering if this month would be THE month for us. My hopes had never been higher since meeting with the RE. I never dreamed there would be anything unusual about my HSG. Maybe a blocked tube, but that could be cleared rather easily and then we'd be on our way.

The HSG procedure is not comfortable in the least. I was wincing in pain as the doctor managed to get everything in place. Once everything was set and ready, I looked at the screen as he injected the dye (which elicited a gasp and jerk from me). All of a sudden the screen lit up.. on one side only. It was only a minute later he said, "Ok, it's over." My first thought was, "What about the other side?" And that's when he said the words I'll never forget: "Well, there's a bit of a surprise." My heart sank. My stomach turned. I was not prepared for what he told me next. He kindly informed me that I have a congenital uterine anomaly called Unicornate Uterus, and while uterine anomalies are not uncommon, this type is far less common. He gently explained that half of my uterus and other tube never developed, and all I had was half a uterus, one tube, but two ovaries, and if I ovulate on the side that has no tube, there's no chance for pregnancy during that month.

My chest felt like it had an enormous anvil slam down upon it. I thought my problem was anovulation, and now that I may ovulate, it could be on the wrong side, and not help. My kind doctor went on to explain that while this anomaly made things "trickier" it would not be impossible to become pregnant. He did, however, mention that once pregnant I'd be at a higher risk for miscarriage, breach babies and preterm labor. All I could do was stare at him and nod. If I said anything I'd be sure to explode into tears in front of him, the nurse and the college student who was shadowing him (Boy, did she have a story to share...)

The doctor wrote the name of my condition on a piece of paper and told me that if I chose to google it not to get too worked up about what I read and we'd talk more when I see him next time in two weeks. I barely made it into the parking lot before I finally let the tears come. I sat in my car for fifteen minutes, sobbing harder than I have in 24 years, and wondering why I was born this way. I finally calmed down enough to call my husband and my sister, the wonderful mother of a toddler and 4 week old. My oldest niece was out with her grandparents, so my sister offered to meet me at my house, which I accepted gladly. I needed support. I needed someone to talk to. When she came over she handed me a gift, a rock inscribed with "Miracles Happen"... a rock that I gave to her almost exactly one year earlier when she had experienced a loss. She said, "This helped me when I needed it, and now it will help you." I was so touched by the gesture and in her sheer faith that in spite of all the challenges that may lie ahead, there is always hope. I have to trust in that right now. I'm going to cling to it. My husband and I will become parents one day and we'll do everything in our power to try and get there.

So here I am, beginning this journey of keeping hope whole... with half a ute.